well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
