you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
