The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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