1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
