I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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