soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
