im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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