I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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