i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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