I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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