Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
