yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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