Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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