I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
