So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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