So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
