Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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