I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
two words...techno handjob
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
