Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you never un-have a 4some
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
