But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
