I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
