You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize