When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
