Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
