Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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