Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
