It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
