I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
