Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
