I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
