well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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