marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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