Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
