I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
