stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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