life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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