just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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