I wish I could teleport
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Come share oat with me in your robe
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
