Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
