my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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