i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
