I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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