I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
