dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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