I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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