last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
