Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
