Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Every concussion has its silver lining
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
