I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
