I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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