eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I fill condoms, not promises.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
