Need sex. Gaining weight.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
