there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
