i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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