He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
