she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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