Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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