FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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