i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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