So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
