she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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