I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
