So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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