I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
