I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
