I love black thongs
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
