Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
