feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Edward fifth and chaser hands
3pm strippers are depressing
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
