He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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