I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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