no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
