is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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