she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
