I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
