So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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