You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
