i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
