If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
