God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
