And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
