no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
