So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
