break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
